It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
