I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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