there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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