dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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