The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
