i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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