I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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