I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
