Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
