If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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