I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The adults are the big ones right?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
