I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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