whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
