Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
