Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
