What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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