Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
