i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
A+ Viking dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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