It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
