I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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