I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
