Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sext me about skeletons
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