Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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