Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
two words...techno handjob
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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