It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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