What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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