i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
