Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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