News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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