it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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