Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
