The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
