yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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