I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
