Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
