so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
