he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
