i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
