i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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