I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
