She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
