What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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