wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
