Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
