its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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