would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
