i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
