Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
