guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
