You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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