i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
