help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
