I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
